Hit Me With Your best Shot- Just Make It Softer Then This One

This is not the night
That I turn off the light
Though this day's the worst I've ever had
I would laugh if someone said it wasn't so bad
But then again I don't know
If laughing is my foe
If I could actually laugh right now
Feels like I was hit with a snow plow
Am I in a coma
No, if I were I wouldn't smell that bitter aroma
Of my tears and pain mixed
If I were I'd feel that sweet bliss
Of release
Of increase
Of thoughtless retreat
That you can't beat
Better than feeling this pain
I don't like playing this game
I just gotta get out
I just gotta shout
I just gotta be free
Of this horror spree
Will my nightmare ever end
Will I ever be a decent friend
Will I stop hurting the people I love
Snap me out of it, please someone shove
Me until I break
My tears form a lake
The surface icy smooth
Til my tears fall again with the truth
I'm alone in the world
My fist is curled
Around the last shred of hope
With it I can maybe cope
Until I see him again
I want to go the coma place I've never been
And maybe I can just last
Past
All this mess in a full body cast
While
Feel the rising bile
In my throat
Give my heart a quick, shoddy coat
Of glue
So that I can stop feeling so blue
It won't work for very long
I don't feel very strong
I got kicked below the belt
Feelings I have never felt
But it was a kick that I had aimed
And I don't like to play this game
Even though I already knew
That I would get kicked even worse than you

- Alisha

What is Patriotic?

The bridges are burning
the stomachs are churning
as smoke fills the air
the world keeps turning
nobody's learning
nobody seems to care
the war is raging
the goverment is caging
the people to our empty heads
we're no longer growing
we're no longer thriving
soon enough we'll all be dead
the presidents not thinking
he stares with eyes unblinking
on the country that once was great
the tears are falling
the fire's not cooling
is this our fate?
the drums are banging
the orchestra is playing
the music is chaiotic
the mother is crying
for a freedom that's dieing
What is patriotic?

~Landis
2/27/08

Everyone's Child

time for bed child
let your eyes dry
time for bed child
no need to cry

rest your head child
no use to pry
but the hope is dead child
so why even try?

~Hope

Sleepy-Eyed Song

It's 1:33 in the middle of the night.
My heart is putting up a fight.
To sleep I need it to be silent
For this, I can really thank Rent
And now I'm getting thirsty
Cups of tears have just left me.
To happiness.
To making life a mess.
To all I love wrapped into one.
To having increasing amounts of fun.
How could this have happened again?
Music's a better obsession than men.
It's the last time, I've promised myself.
Yeah right. Trust is on a dusty shelf.
So what if I don't know when
To stop chewing on this pen.
Damn, I broke a bracket off again.
And I swear I'll never sleep again.
I know I'll never love again.
Except I never have, you see.
So let's fuck living. Woe is me.
This poem might not be my best
'Cause music makes up for lack of rest.
But I'm feeling way too much this time.
So I'll put it all down in rhyme.
Now I'm thinking 'bout all I haven't done.
The worry will come with the sun.
I wish I could play my guitar.
But sleeping parents aren't far.
So here I gaze out the window sill
Every living, loving thing wants to hide
It makes me really sick inside

-Kara

If Living Doesn't Kill You

If I believed in God
Or anything at all
I'd know he was against me
"It's fake," I'd think. "His call."

If I'm going insane
Which I must be, more and more
It doesn't make no sense
That I feel more alive than ever

If I was left out in the cold
At this hour, it wouldn't be so bad
As long as there was love there
It'd be the best I ever had.

If tears come from inside you
I must be running out
Ain't never drank no water
But it's a silent way to shout.

If wanting just means nothing
And living's all you got
There's no hope for the deserving
Desire has become forgot

-Kara

Life's Woes Can Rhyme

I think this might be hard
To write this all in rhyme
But I'll write every word
At least I'll say I tried:

1. You are pretty great
I owe you my life
Though we occasionally debate
There isn't too much strife

2. You too are pretty fab
I like how you make me laugh
Without you life would get pretty drab
You're like my friendship other half

3. You frustrate me so much
You act like you're my friend
But then when it suits you such
You make fun when you should defend

4. Sometimes I think you're mad at me
Then I think about how I don't know
If you can actually feel
If that face you wear is just a lie you've sewn

5. You are so confused
You mind's all blood and bruise
But trust me I've been in your shoes
Sometimes you forget who you really are, that I am you

6. Love is a great thing
It comes at your time of need
All the great things it can bring
But try not to forget other things, I've done this indeed

7. What happens when you want to die
What happens when you've done bad things
What happens when you want to cry
I'm sorry about the terror to you I bring

8. Fall hard
Give all you've got to give
Act like a retard
But don't be afraid to live

9. I really, really love you
Though I forget to be nice to you sometimes
You bring out my maternal instinct too
You're my baby and you're the only one who acts without lines

10. Most of you can figure out who I am
The one who appears to write the least
My cover is a sham
I'm the one who's internally a beast

- Anonymously Again

Tales from a Broken Heart

Winter is blue
The darkest thing you ever knew
It makes you want to stay inside
There's every reason you should hide

You drape yourself in heavy clothes
And rewatch all those boring shows
So put your boots on one by one
In hopes of soaking up some sun

Out the door you drag your feet
You start to stroll on down the street
Mabye this won't turn out so bad
You think, to stop from feeling sad

Just when you've got a glowing strut
Your brain remembers your warm hut
No more are you feeling so tall
On ice you slip and down you fall

Discouraged, slowly heading home
No longer on these streets you roam
And when you've arrived do you see
Kids frolicking, fun and free

Back inside your broken house
You feel as helpless as a mouse
As you wander down the hall
You never should have left at all

-Kara

Yet Untitled

To see beauty
our eyes must washÈd be
with the tares and tears
of sorrow strong

our veins must run
with blood that's thicker
than that unknown elixer
that's promised after death

our hearts must be broken
time and time again
patched for when
the next crusader comes

our souls must be damaged
burned beyond repair
and touched by the care
of those most unexpected

our minds must be tortured
till our breath comes short
a futile attempt to sort
right and wrong

we must fall to the ground
waiting to die
and lying there,a single tear we'll cry
for all our hopes and dreams

the light will go out
we'll be lost
that is the cost
for living with eyes open

and as we lie there
the tear on our cheek
the future bleak
a fire will start inside

It will burn on
In shadows and light
through the darkest nights
it will perservere

And it will reach our heart
and warm it through
and the wind that always blew
will open it up

It will reach our soul
put passion in it's depths
to melt the bad, till all that's left
Is joy and hope

It will reach our mind
and let it be wise
this is the prize
that our journey pays

And finally it will reach our eyes
forcing our lids to open be
the fire burns there for all the world to see
never will we be blind again

The fire shows our journey
through troubled times
all the mountains that we've climbed
to reach our paradise

Your eyes have seen the darkness
your mind has wise, grown
your heart is now shown
gladly, on your sleave

your soul is now protected
by the walls of your past
I promise they will last
I would know

I know the confusion is strange
I know the pain is great
But this is the fate
of those who want to see

I've traveled the path
I know the Journey well
so now I'm here to tell
you to not give up hope

for when you reach the point
when you are breaking
you are really waking
from the sleep that keeps you blind

~Landis 2/18/08

The World's Worst

I look behind the curtain
Of the lost and hated lies
It’s the gift of feeling broken
A beauty to the eyes

When all the world’s against you
You can’t help but wonder why
What it is you haven’t done
It’ll make you want to cry

And never finding trouble
Is a very curious thing
Only adds to the emotions
All about which you sing

For someone that hates yelling so
You’d think that I would like
The way that I’ve been treated
All my life, I’ll go on strike.

But no you can’t
You cannot find
It in your heart
Or in your mind

So all I can do
Is shy and shy
And hate and hate
And cry and cry

-Kara

Music Kills You?! I Love It....

Hell that music's loud
It drives away the pain
I don't like the croud
All calling my name

The music is my escape
I can close my eyes
Maybe the musical drape
Will give me a wanted demise

- Alisha

Just Glow

i have a secret
away down in the dark
where i run and i serach
for where i'll place my mark

but deep in my place
in the dark of my soul
there's a cog of sorts
trys to blind me of goal

while the stronger the cog
the more and more ill learn
like a song in the dark
i compulsivly burn

so you can watch me burn
but instead of ashes
my goals just get bigger
to see through my lashes

dont think for a second
ill be quiet no no
although now i seem clear
i swear someday ill glow

~Hope

There Once Was a Life

I hate myself
I hate this life
That shoots me with a gun
And cuts me with a knife
I can't stand all this strife
So I've fallen to the floor
And look, I hit my head
You hit the nail on the head
That nail
That nail
That mashed up,
based up
hit down let down once shiny nail
For this I'll end up in Hell
Or so you would say in the south
Which is closer to
Hell
Hail
All hail the queen
But what did she do
To deserve this regime?
I mean
I mean
I mean I mean I mean
What did I do to deserve this life
This lifeThat shoots me with a gun
And cuts me with a knife
I can't stand all this strife
So I've fallen to the floorAnd look, I hit my head
And now I'm seeing thing
So hook me on some LSD
'Cause that acid ain't as bad
As throwing up
Am I growing up?
Or just turning around
Going down the street
Of memories I thought I knew but now I'm incomplete
'Cause I've got something to chose
And the more you care,
the more you have to lose
Well then I've got everything to lose
And all my life you made me believe I was only worth
Nothing
Except what I pay for things
And the way you look at me
Is the same
No matter what I do
It don't matter what I do
'Cause everything I do is for worse
It seems.
I mean
I mean
I. Mean.
I can't stand this life
That shoots me with a gun
And cuts me with a kinfe
So I've fallen to the floor
Again I hit my head
And look
I'm dead.

-Kara

Ready or not

Does it seem fair?
I’ve been told life isn’t fair.
But I’ve also been told
School is preparing for life.
School is childhood.
So childhood ain’t life.
There’s no need
To treat me like a person
Therefore.
Sure you’re an adult
Sure you think you’re “wiser”
Thinking that doesn’t seem very wise to me
Age is relative, you see.
I understand that you understand that
But why does that idea seem so flat?
Why are you the boss?
Is it in the rules?
You’re allowed to yell
You’re allowed to swear
And you’re also allowed
To love.
“Young love isn’t real,”
I’ve been told.
“You need to learn what love is
And after years, you’ll be ready.”
Well I’ve been ready since I was ten.
And every day I wonder when.
When will the sun go dark?
When will I seem my age?
When will I stop asking “when” and start living?
The time is now.
After years
I’m ready.
I’m ready.

-Kara

No Other Road

I'm so tired
I can not sleep
I'm so hungry
I can not eat
I'm so thirsty
I can not drink
I've lost my mind.
I'm so sad
I can not cry
I'm such an actress
I can not lie
I'm in so much pain
I can not die
I'm searching for something
I'm so weak
I can not sit
I'm so mad
I can't have a fit
I'm so sensitive
I can't feel a bit
But solace, I can not find.
I'm running circles
I can't move my feet
I hear the notes
I can't find the beat
I've got so much to say
I can not speak
My eyes can't close.
I'm so lonely
I'm never alone.
I'm so warm
I'm chilled to the bone
It's so light
I can't see the sun
I can't help but feel.
I'm so blind
I see everything
I'm so mute
I always sing
I'm so deaf
I hear the suffering
I can't escape, It's all to real.

~Landis 2/15/08-2/17/08

The Moon and I

Endless Trees
Poison blue sky
A moonlit face
Hung way up high
We understand each other
The Moon and I

All alone
No stars around
Longingly looking
Toward the ground
We’re not so different
The Moon and I

Lonely journey
On the path oft tread
Doomed to repeat
Until we’re dead
We’re sisters
The Moon and I

Life of monotone
Purgatory
Locked in orbit
It’s the same old story
We’re tired
The Moon and I

Waves of shadow
Bringing sadness
No clouds to cover
Chained by darkness
We’re afraid
The Moon and I

The sun, boasting of his blaze
Shines at the break of noon
Happy in his ever living glory
But we sing a different tune
We envy him
The Moon and I


Blood on the horizon
In the silence of dawn
Quietly dieing
It's for the stars we long
We're Gone
The Moon an I

~Landis

Flying

Cloud cover
Endless sky
No boundaries there
No walls up high

Oh the joy
That flying would be
Endless possibilities
Far as the eye could see

Freedom
What does it mean to you?
The wind in your hair?
Or the grass filled with dew?

A path
To walk down?
Or to only be lost
Until you are found

Flying
The freedom it would bring
A sun to rise
A bird to sing

Ah how I wish-
But, no, for now
I’m rooted by burdens
Held to the ground

Ropes that tie me
Binding my wings
Poisons that burn me
Bugs that sting

Someday I’ll escape
Someday I’ll be free
Someday I’ll fly again
Someday I’ll be me

But not now
Now there are deeds to be done
Things to be seen
My Journey has just begun

Still I long for escape
Into the sky
There is a way
A door in my mind

For if I am chained
to this small space
With no where to roam
In my mind there’s a place

A Space to fly
Room to wander
No more storms here
No lightning or thunder

A peaceful summer
A moment in time
Frozen forever
A corner in my mind

There is a skill
We all possess
It opens all doors
And gives us access

To a place filled with wonder
Without hate or fear
Filled with happiness and adventure
Where all questions are clear

It leaves you with youth
With your coming of age
A clean slate
A brand new page

But what’s left behind
What will we miss?
Do we trade money and power?
For childhood bliss?

Imagination
The world in your head
Lose that
And you’ll suffer till…

DEAD.

~Landis

A Violent Mind

Good sir, could you show me the way to happiness?
Good sir, could you give me mental peace?
Good sir, what’s that? You said no?
I wish all the no’s in life would cease

You can never get what you want
The good sir’s aren’t good enough
Your soul is being severed
Life is getting tough

You sit there only watching
The world spinning wildly round
You can’t reach out and touch them
You mind is not so sound

It’s so very maddening
This craziness you cannot touch
You try so hard to make a difference
It doesn’t do very much

You struggle against the forces
Pushing on your mind
You move on toward the future
You never look behind

You’re lying in the wild
Watching the never changing stars
You become one with them
Briefly you know who you are

We must abandon all worldliness
To find out what we are
We must do the simple things
Try counting every star

No one can show you the way
You need to find for yourself
You can put away your greediness
On that forgotten shelf

You make it sound so easy
But really it’s so hard
The bad thoughts push down on you
There’s no hopefulness, not even a shard

The sad things make you dizzy
The good things make you sick
The cut’s supposed to clot
But the blood is running thick

The veins stick out under your skin
Water’s a thing of the past
Your bones are sticking out
Lack of food makes weight come off fast

Your mind’s a venus fly trap
How easy you get stuck
No one will come save you
Your mind clogs with unwanted muck

Your vision gets all blurry
You rock yourself to best
The evil thoughts that haunt you
You make a safety nest

You cry and scream and claw
At the serpent on your breast
It just squeezes tighter
Your heart beats in your chest

The panic is attacking now
You don’t know what to do
These thoughts give you hallucinations
The said your mind cannot kill you

Good sir, what has happened to me?
Why did you let me die?
Good sir, you are not so good
You didn’t even try

- Alisha

Ode to Papa Roach

It’s been said.
It’s been said a thousand times before.
I care far too much.
And every time I cry,
That’s another scar
That does indeed remind me
That life has happened.
I have been worn.
Threads have been torn.
But feeling is a human kind of thing, they say
And I’m that just as much.
Maybe too human.
But SOMEONE has to make up
For those who don’t feel a thing
For the type that lets everything pass them by
And nothing gets soaked up
Now here’s something that you don’t know
A couple weeks ago
I wondered what was wrong with me
For crying hadn’t been my thing
Until now
But then I came to understand
That I was oh so wrong
It’s not what’s wrong with me right now
But what was wrong before
For someone who can’t stand the sight
Of sorrow or of joy
You can’t keep all that bottled up
Or you’re sure to explode.
And explode, I must have
Finally
And boy was it time
Now the tears seem to leak out
At any given moment
And what gets me the most
What always has
Is not the dying ones
It’s those in want
And those in need
Receiving what they deserve

-Kara

Empty

I don’t understand what you want from me
What I have to give
I thought that you could see
My life’s an empty pit

This peanut shell is hollow
It was emptied long ago
But what’s difficult to swallow
Is that one didn’t ever grow

When you stop your search
You’ll be tired and broke
There’s nothing behind my eyes, like an empty perch
There’s no guitar string to stroke

No music comes from within me
No reverbrations down an empty hall
Scared you scream
I’m a porcelain doll

-Alisha

Know Who You Are

I can never stop this pain
This eternal bleeding
I search the earth for something to patch the wounds
And stop my mind from weeping
Then maybe I could start sleeping

I’m never ever tired
Always happy as a lark
My mind is never unhappy
I love the way things work
I never wade in a lake full of murk

My mind is always changing
Today I am curious and ecentric
Tomorrow I am romantic but shy
I’m happy to change all the time
Nothing is taken as an ominous sign

Things around me are bloody
The violence’s getting worse
Peace is far away
I don’t know what to do to help
I just want to melt

Things are a-okay
I can’t find anything particularly wrong
But in my opinion my life is such a waste
I find solace in hating everything around me
My eyes are permanently closed so I don’t have to see

All these people have it easy
They know who they are
Everything about them is clear
But who I am I don’t really know
My wild oats- how will I sew?

- Crazily Confused

Shush! I'm A Bad Babysitter On The Run

I'm the worst babysitter you ever did see
You couldn't be any worse than me
The kids love me, that is true
That's cause I let them do whatever they wanna do

I was told to send them to bed at eight
They wanted to stay up til midnight, I said that was great
Candy, they just keep eating more
I said okay til their stomachs get sore

If your parents decide to hire me
You're in for a rare treat
Though I won't be back cause once they find out
They'll chase me with a pitchfork while I painfully shout

-alisha
(Based on my real babysitting skills. Though I've never been chased with a pitchfork by angry parents.)

Life is a deep pool

You gotta believe you can change the world
In a whirlwind of colours and light
And then BAM! You're up all night.
And look at that.
You just created a war
Inside your head
It's only a dream
It's only your life.
Is that worth fighting for?
Can't you take it anymore?
Want to hear a secret?
It's something you should know
A single thing can change a life.
Or save one
So on with the show!
On with your mission
To become the world's best.
You don't care who are what you are
As long as you're above the rest.
Well now you're identity is dead and gone
Does that make you feel at all?
There's no where farther up to go
So prepare for a downward fall.
And that cancer you were gonna cure
So many years ago
It's taken half the world now
Ironic, don't you know?
Yeah maybe poems ain't your thing
But this one, it's for you.
So turn it into a pop song
Because it's yours to sing.
And in the mirror, can't you see
Your face through shallow eyes?
Gone are all the colours and light
Oh, what a surprise.

-Kara

Assume It's Real

Look at that girl
Sitting there,
Curled up, cold
She could be 5
or 9
Or maybe 20 years old

And though she started off young
Right now you could not tell
That what you see before you
Is the remains of living hell

She's got wrinkles on her brain
And her heart, well it is blind
It's just called getting older
Slowly wearing out the mind

You may think now that's been done
A girl left alone
But for her, in this life
The terror's just begun

So look, look once more my friend
At that girl sitting there
See her now through different eyes
And feel your standing on end hair.

-Kara

A Hippie's World

See that star in the sky?
See that leaf on the tree?
How wonderful
The little things can be

See that kite in the wind?
See that bird learning to fly?
Someday I too
Would like to touch the sky

See that kitten sleeping?
See the sun go down?
We all go to sleep
And dream without a frown

When things are so simple
Life is better, can't you see
If everyone was peaceful
What a fine world this would be

- Alisha

Broken Beyond Repair

Tissues in my hand
Wiping at my tears
I feel so alone
Nobody hears

Crying, crying
The tissues can't stop the flow
I can't handle the pain
Tearing at my soul

You look at me
I look at you
I look away
I can't look at you

You don't know how I feel
It would hurt you if you did
I feel trapped in a nightmare
When will I wake up?!

Help me! Help me!
I'm falling! I'm dead!
My heart isn't beating
It's broken beyond repair

- Broken and Patched

Masochistic Me

It's so late in the night, almost quarter to four
I've seen this hour several times before
I can never ever get to sleep
I'm just in way too deep

My eyes cry tear I didn't know I had
And still I kind of like feeling so bad
I can let out my emotins deep inside
The way normal people feel, I just can't abide

To survive I need extreme feelings
That's why I lay there staring at the ceiling
Depressing music plays in my head
My body is simply dead

I'm a masochistic little bitch
Like having that spot you just can't itch
I crave the things that hurt me most
Depression, heartbreak; thinks that none would ever boast

Why is my life such a tangled mess?
There's never that perfect little black dress
The suns never out
And I cannot shout

The day's are shortm the night is long
And I'm not looking quite as strong
But I don't mind at all
Because my problem list is growing tall

And no matter how long I cry
I know that it will not make me die
Because I like the pain that I feel
Feelings I do not have to steal

There are things I do to make me hurt
Scars hide beneath my shirt
They hold together my broken heart
And it's broken because of me, because I am not smart

I scare those I love the most
Searching out pain from coast to coast
The druggies have got it easy, the alcoholics too
They're not a sadistic shrew

- Mama Masochism